this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He passed out mid-signature
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
