I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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