we have officially lost it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
