Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
