It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
