Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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