In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
