I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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