i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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