The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
