Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My dad just said "fuck circus"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
