I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
