Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize