I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
