Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
