Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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