it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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