May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
