Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
