you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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