I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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