We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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