i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
