I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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