I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
