I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
