Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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