i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
