i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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