Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
