So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm passing your future prison.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
