he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
