I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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