some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
