Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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