Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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