Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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