I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
