Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
