You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
