Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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