My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
