i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I want is dick and wine.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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