Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
