and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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