I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
