What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
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Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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