i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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