Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
