i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
