I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
