Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
that may or may not have been my penis.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
