ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
