you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
