Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he thought i was a dude.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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