dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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