Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
