If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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