am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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