If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
