if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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