the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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