there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
so much tequila, so little girl.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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