I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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