9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They took my balls.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
