Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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