i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
