I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
