I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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