best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
