I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
