if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize